Saturday, April 12, 2014

Just read this so-called poem, I wrote and post exactly 3 years ago.
I know I want to put it here, as I started to write here, still feeling alone in the crowd once in a while; whilst now, it is a privilege from God that I am being blessed with my life and my family,...and them three.

MashaAllah...


Dear God,...

13 April 2011 at 23:02
Sometimes I wonder, what did I do to deserve these.
For I've done things You won't be be proud of;
I've lost my world, and left to stand with none to hold on to
but yet, there You were, led me to this path
and let me try to stand and walk on my own
Wasn't easy; but You assured me

Then I found them three, one at a time
and I'm not alone anymore
For I know now, that I have You around
and, by luck, I might have them along, too
to love and to keep, close to my Heart

Bandung, 13.04.11, 11.01 pm

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Wow!
It's been almost a YEAR since my last posting. I forgot the name of this blog and my password...how stupid! I finally remember it all few days ago, after talking to my hubby about writing in blogs.

Let's see...
My last blog was about my early pregnancy. Now, i had the baby with us; a beautiful, healthy baby girl. She's now 6 months old, already a smart and active lil' girl. I call her (in my blogs) Michelle...from Michelin, a brand of car tire. It was my friend -my baby's godmother- who said that she look like that brand's icon: a doll with lumps allover its body. So We started to call her miss michelin..michelle...hehehe

Thank God, i practically had a wonderful pregnancy and birth. The early months was hard but i managed to go through it quite easily. But this last month was not so good. Seems i started to have some kind of emotional problem, probably due to exhaustion, hormonal changes, and my baby's development. I was suppose to be happy and grateful about michelle's development, but somehow along with that i got more and more exhausted.
She started to crawl and aware of her surroundings; she's so eager to learn what's this and that; and she wanted me to be around her most of the time. It's hard to have sometime with my hubby, just the 2 of us, and so does having some time for myself, except after she had her nite-time sleep. We both usually got too tired to do things.

I've read some articles about postpartum distress syndrome -commonly known as the baby-blues syndrome-, and it turns out that this syndrome can last to years after a woman's gave birth. The cause of this syndrome was unknown, but the article wrote that some of it are hormonal changes, isolation, sleep deprivation, and lack of help from partner.
Well, i guess in my case it's the 3 causes mentioned first that turn me into this...bitch!
Because my hubby was really helpful, from the beginning of my pregnancy, during the 1st months after birth, and even these last week when i'm being so difficult to face and understand.
Another cause is, i guess, problems that my parents having these last 7 years, that i have to face also because it seems that i'm the only person who's willing to listens to them yacking about others.

Hhhhh.....hope i can make myself stronger and pass this irritating situation, so i can take a good care of my family -and myself, again.

ps: talking about 'taking care of myself', i suddenly think of having a masseur home for an aromatherapy massage. Hmmm....sounds lovely!!!

Friday, July 21, 2006

Been a long while ya!?

Jess got a chance to go online again after bedrest and morning-sickness sessions of more than 2 months.
Now i guess i'm getting better, 4 mos pregnant, i can eat (almost) normally ~except for certain food i started to feel sick about ever since i had my morning sickness. Still, i'm not in my best 'shape', but i managed.

Early this week, me and hubby went to the doctor and we got to listen to our baby's heartbeat... It's so amazing, listening to it, knowing and realizing that there's a living-small human being inside me. Then the dr told us that next month he's going to perform 3D usg so we can see the baby's physical conditions and face... We're so excited!

We'll see then. Hope things are okay with us, i mean, me, baby and hubby.


Tuesday, April 11, 2006

I Wish......

Sometimes i wish i am able to help my family. Things aren't easy for us, in fact, it has not been easy for all of us.
I wish i could help mum with her problems. It's been really hard for her, especially these last few years. She had to stand by herself, facing all those problems. Well, i was there trying to help her. So did my brothers & sisters, my grandma, my aunts, my uncle. Still, they cannot be there all the time. And now i'm having my own family, i can't be there for her all the time also. Now she's facing another problem, and i really wish i could just take her and my sister out of there. Wish i could jess help her more.

And my dad....wish i could open his eyes, and heart. Wish i could help him also. But it's really hard to understand him, when i thought i knew him all these times.

But now we, me and my love-of-my-life are facing some problems also. And still, i can do nothing but being there for him. Wish i could do more to help him. Because it concerns our little family's life also. I am so sad seeing him last night. We've been married for...not even a year, but i can see that he's been under pressure. Not only thinking of our situation, but also his co-workers and their family. One big responsibility of being the no.1 man in his work. Hope i can be his strength, his spirit... coz i love him so much...

(Janet, 10:22am April 12th 2006)

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

So Crazy!!!

Jess start my new class in business law ystrdy... i think i screwed up big time! Well, i was okay at first, until the professor came in for a sit-in....then things started to turn upside down. I was so nervous...
Luckily, i got the 'nicest' class of all 4. Hope next week i'll be better, coz why should i be so nervous?? I teach other kids also, not as bad as these "scary children". But i'll do my best to manage myself and my material. So i'll be more prepared to face the next class --we take turns every week to different classes.

Gotta start read books for my prep, and i have to make my part of presentation materials. Also, i think i'm gonna get that new book, it's a really good one.
Most of all, preparing myself to face those kiddies.....brrrr!!!

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Bigband and The Beatles

Minggu2 kemarin saya dan suami nonton ITB Bigband Concert (lagi). Tahun kmrn kami pertama kalinya nonton acara tsb, waktu masih pacaran. Not a fancy concert, tapi sangat menghibur dan relaxing. Suami yang memang penggemar Jazz memperkenalkan banyak lagu plus sedikit pengetahuan ttg Jazz. Can't say i'm an expert now, but at least i am entertained.

Tahun kemarin acaranya dimeriahkan jammin-nya imel (kakaknya dewi) dan saya melihat perempuan yg sama yg saya lihat di ruang tamu rumahnya sekitar 17 tahun lalu, 'membanting piano' istilahnya dewi, menumpahkan entah apa yg ada di kepala dan jiwa-nya. Still with the same skill, even so much improved, cuma bedanya dulu imel 'membanting' dengan musik klasik, sementara sekarang jazz jadi bahasa komunikasinya. Saya sering terkagum-kagum dengan mereka yg punya kepekaan dan kemampuan bermusik yg luar biasa. Seems so..alive, those people. They can let things out dengan bahasa yang sangat khas; ngga perlu menghabiskan xtra energy untuk teriak2 dan makan hati. I even envy them sometimes.

Lalu tahun ini, saya lihat juga sejumlah individu dengan kemampuan yg luar biasa dan juga khas. Vokalis dan lead dari UPH, suaranya tidak bisa dibilang 'so jazzy' tapi kemampuan bermusiknya luar biasa. Dia bisa 'memproduksi bunyi2an' improve jazzy seperti perempuan menggosip atau anjing mengonggong dan makhluk hidup (sehat) bernafas: mengalir lancar. Mirip air. Dia bahkan menciptakan komposisi sendiri; so sweet and amazing!
Kemudian ada sekelompok "orang jepang bohongan" (menurut jubir kelompok Galaxi-band yg terdiri dari expat Jepang, yang sangat lancar berbahasa Indonesia, sampai dia mengklaim "makanya kami ini band jepang bohongan karena kok berbahasa Indonesia .."). Saya suka sekali permainan mereka. Apalagi waktu si Jubir yg memegang gitar bass... cabikannya luar biasa kereeen! No wonder mereka jadi salah satu favorit dalam Java Jazz Fest kmrn di Jakarta.

UPI Bandung, kelihatannya masih dengan formasi pemain yg sama dgn thn kmrn, bermain kompak dengan materi personil yang bagus juga. Yang agak bikin 'kaget' penonton adalah vokalis mereka. Suaranya luar biasa. Kalau dia merokok sedikit supaya suaranya lebih serak2 basah dan mengasah kemampuan teknis vokalnya, dia bakal jadi penyanyi yg bagus sekali utk musik jazz. Cuma kelihatannya dia lebih sering jadi penyanyi cafe. Outfit yg dipakai malam itu juga bikin heboh penonton: boots, mini skirt & kemben hitam plus bollero hijau spotlight.... rambutnya sebagu dibikin sprial2. Kalau saja dia pakai celana panjang hitam, penonton ngga bakalan se-heboh itu...soalnya penonton langsung ribut bersuit-suit dan teriak "waoooo..!!!" begitu dia muncul. Ngga ada yg salah sebenernya, kalau saja badannya jangkung dan langsing. Hanya dengan badan yg ngga terlalu tinggi dan agak buntet, kesannya jadi luarbiasa... agak berbau dangdut. Tapi ttp saya suka suara dia, tinggal diasah saja tekniknya.

Penampilan terakhir malam itu, Syaharani & The Fire Queen Project. Agak ngaret karena ada technical problem dgn sequencer mereka. Seperti biasa, vokalitas Syaharani memang luar biasa. Powernya, suaranya yg berat... Agak membawa saya dan suami bernostalgia jaman pacaran lagi, waktu kami nonton Syaharani tampil di Ciwalk wkt pembukaan Starbucks. Pertama kali pacar saya memeluk saya di depan publik (biasanya jaim banget...hihihi...).

Lalu minggu kmrn, saya dan Andra nonton Beatles Nite di Sierra Cafe, dengan membawa little Missy. Kebayang dong, anak 3 thn bisa dibawa keluar malam dan nonton live music ngga pake rewel!! Semoga anak saya nanti bisa seperti itu...
Kami janji ketemu di dpn Auto Carwash Warnet, maksudnya saya bisa nunggu sambil online. Tapi ternyata kemudian sopir taxi yang membawa Andra dan Missy menjemput menolak utk menjemput saya disana, alasannya "takut dikira yang ngga-ngga oleh orang, menaikkan penumpang di pinggir jalan"... Sopir taxi yang aneh!!! >:( Lha bukannya itu kerjaan taxi?! Akhirnya karena saya masih dirumah juga, saya minta antar keponakan ke Sierra -kebetulan ngga jauh dari rumah. Later then, Andra bilang sopir taxi agak menyesal waktu liat lokasi tmpt semula saya minta dijemput, "wah...kalau disini sih bisa! tadi saya kira di dpn hotel!" HUH! Sudah saya bilang , saya kenal jalan dago. Itu 'daerah kekuasaan' saya! Tapi ya sudah. Things happened. Dan sopir taxi itu jadi curhat ke Andra bhw taxi yg dia bawa katanya akan di-demo sejumlah pengemudi taxi dari perusahaan lain karena dianggap merusak pasaran penumpang di Bdg. But it's none of my f***in' business ah!!!

Kami sampai di Sierra sekitar 7.30pm, langsung beli tiket dan naik ke lt atas tmpt acara diadakan. Band pertama yg tampil, Little Beat (..or something..) ngga terlalu bagus mainnya. Musik..yaa, lumayan lah. Tapi vokalisnya payah. Ngga sampai ke nada2 tinggi (kalau ada Trie Utami udah dihujat habis deh..."Pitch control-nya mana?!?!" hahahahaha!)
Band yg kedua, G-Pluck, bener2 'pen-g-pluck' permainan dan musik The Beatles yang baik! Musiknya apik, vokalisnya oke. Sayangnya mereka baru main jam 1/2 10, sementara suami menjemput jam 10 kurang 10mtn (janjinya jam 10 teng, cuma mgkn udah capek juga si sayangku, jd pgn istrinya cpt pulang basamo). Agak sedih, soalnya pas lagi seneng2nya. Tapi Andra juga memilih pulang ikut saya ke rumah, sambil nunggu suaminya jemput plg kerja (jam 11 malem!!), dan Missy waktu band pertama main satu lagu -blm habis pula- udah mulai bilang "ma...pulang yuk??"... Hahahaha! Mungkin karena ngga smpt tidur siang atau memang dia ngga suka permainan si Little Beat.. Anak2 memang lebih jujur dari kita org dewasa (usia, bukan kelakuan...).
Jadilah kami pulang rame2, dan sampai dirumah Missy malah ngga tidur. Kelihatan mulai agak ngantuk, tp dia lucu banget, sampai suami ikutan nimbrung ngobrol, sampai suami Andra menjemput. Ekspresi muka Missy melihat papanya datang bikin saya agak sedikit cemburu. Mungkin seperti itu anak kami nanti ya, kalau mas suami pulang dari kantor...hihihi... Ah, ya semoga cepat..anu....ehm.... ya, begitulah.

Kapan yaaa, bisa nonton bareng mas suami laggiii....??

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Nikmeeeh...

Berapa sering kita mensyukuri karunia Allah? Kadang shalat-pun masih tertinggal (bari kagok tea da lagi jjs ke mall..ngaduk2 obralan dan ngobrol2 ama teman2..Ck!)
Alhamdulillah, saya mulai berusaha mengejar ketinggalan saya untuk berdialog dengan Yang Maha Kuasa. Thanks to my-love-of-my-life, yang tak bosan mengingatkan saya utk itu.

Sekarang pun, saya merasakan karunia Allah atas permintaan saya (yg ngga abis2nya) dulu. Hidup yang tenang (walau bukan tanpa masalah), pendamping yang baik dan begitu sabar menghadapi ulah saya yang bisa jadi so irritating, pekerjaan yang baik,... hanya sejauh ini satu do'a saya yg belum dikabulkan: kepercayaan utk punya dan menjaga keturunan dari suami tercinta. Yeah, mgkn Allah melihat saya yg blm mampu mengurus suami dgn baik, apalagi diri sendiri. Tapi semoga, kelak kepercayaan itu akan dibebankan pada saya dan suami, soon -amiiin!